A warning: Yes, newcomers to Beatnikbelle's blogs, I do tend to disappear sometimes. I don't do it on purpose. I'll just get busy with school, or summer jobs, or dramallamaness, and then realize, damn it, I haven't blogged in forever. And then I'll come up with a post like this to make up for it. (This, my dear friends, is where you facepalm. Go on. I'll wait a moment for you to do that before I continue. Have we all expressed our exasperation? Good. Moving on then.)
The scenario: You are with a friend when one of two things happens. Either you start to refresh your lipstick or eyeliner for whatever reason, OR he/she says "Hey, let's go out," and you say, "Ok, just give me two minutes to do/fix my makeup." And this casual action or comment is immediately followed by THIS:
Your friend says: Oh, you don't need makeup, you're beautiful just the way you are!
What your friend means: Seriously, you look okay. You don't need it.
What you hear: You are lessening yourself by wearing excessive makeup.
What your friend expects you're thinking: Oh my gosh, he/she is SO TOTALLY RIGHT, I can't believe I never realized before how beautiful I actually am! I must go throw away my makeup straight away and let my stunning natural beauty shine through!
What your friend worries you're thinking: Oh, God. He/she is wrong. They're just being nice. I look sooooo gross without makeup.
What you're actually thinking: I know I don't NEED makeup, you tool. I just happen to LIKE WEARING IT. So what are you saying, I'm less of a person for wearing makeup? Are you implying I'm shallow? Of course you are! Clearly, you think you are more evolved as a person than I am because you don't wear makeup! God, will you just shut up already?
What you want to say, in the most sarcastic tone possible: Oh, THANK YOU, O Holy Savior Of Mine Own Confidence! I had NO IDEA that I don't look ANY WORSE without makeup! I thought I looked like a TROLL without makeup! I can't believe it! You have opened my eyes to my own true beauty! I thought, all this time, that I was less of a person if I didn't wear makeup, but thanks to you I have seen the error of my face-painting ways!
What you should say: Thanks, you're sweet...I just like wearing it, that's all.
What you actually say: I KNOW, okay? Just leave me alone.
What your friend thinks: What the...? What did I say?
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Here's the thing, well-meaning non-makeup wearers or well-meaning providers of intended confidence boosters. When you say "You don't NEED makeup," guess what us makeup-wearers are hearing? "You SHOULDN'T be wearing makeup." And that hurts. Like, a lot.
Maybe I'm the only one who's encountered this, but I don't think so. I think that in this day and age, makeup is regarded one of two ways: Either girls can't live without it, or girls who wear it are shallow and/or slutty. Simply put, as a girl, you can't wear makeup AND be tough. It's one or the other. My personal favorite comment on this was, "Katniss didn't wear makeup, and Peeta still fell in love with her...she was a kick-ass archer and he fell in love with her." We talked about this last year in my freshman seminar class, too--girls are regarded as "anti-feminist" for wearing makeup. To which I say, "WTF?"
Do you want to know a secret, males of the world? We girls do not wear makeup for you...most of the time. True, there are some girls who do. But most of the time, girls wear makeup for themselves. If I put on makeup, I'm not doing it because I honestly feel like I look better with it on. In fact, for special occasions, I tend to be more careful with makeup, because I know that few things are less attractive than over-done makeup. (Yes, Snooki, I am looking at you right now.) But you know what? Makeup can be classy, trashy, cute, fun, playful, weird, wild, dramatic, low-key--in short, it can be a reflection of you. That is why I like it so much. One day I can spend half an hour making myself up like the lead singer of Tokio Hotel; the next day I can slick on some chapstick and run out the door--and I know that it's totally okay to do that.
I know that there are some girls who do not share my mentality. There are girls who flip out if someone even suggests they consider leaving the house without makeup. I hate talking to people like that too, because not only do they act like the world would end if they didn't wear makeup, but they imply that you should share this mentality, which hurts every bit as much as the insinuation that you are less of a person for wearing makeup in the first place. And in the case of those girls, I'm not against a little reality check. But there's a right way to say it. Phrase it like, "What do you think you look like without make-up?" If the answer is "Godzilla," then okay, a more serious talk is required. (Or not, because if someone sarcastically replies that, you should give them a high-five.) But let it go if they don't want to talk about it; sooner or later, they'll figure it out. Back off. Let. It. Go. It's their business, not yours.
Now, if someone says it to you, and you want to punch them? Seriously. Don't make a big deal about it. However, if it's a regular occurrence, and someone you hang out with a lot and feel comfortable talking to, then I don't see why it's not okay to let them know that you know they mean well, but they're not helping.
And if you're one of those people who thinks they're ultra-kind by going around saying "You don't need makeup," please...stop.
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