For my old blog, I used to do Stolen Dialogue at the end of each post. I don't really do that here--it just doesn't fit--but so many times every day I just have these magical little exchanges with friends, and I want to share them with you. So this post will be made up of a few lovely little vignettes, just little moments with me and my friends, just little things that continually make my day. Enjoy...and please note the nicknames; I don't know who's comfortable with being quoted online and who's not, so for anyone who hasn't given me express permission to quote them, I had to get creative.
~In Film Analysis class~
Alex DeLarge: Michael Bay is producing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Apparently they're aliens--he says the turtles are aliens.
Professor Awesomesauce: No they're not, they're mutants, just listen to the damn name!
DeLarge: Yeah...I know, but according to Michael Bay...
Awesomesauce: There'll be a lot of exploding turtles in that movie.
DeLarge: Well, it's produced by Michael Bay, directed by Jonathan Leeman.
Awesomesauce: Yes...exploding turtles...there will be lots of shell fragments everywhere
~In-between classes~
(In class, Non-Conformist Turtle says, "I'm not the spokesperson for Italian-American women under five-foot-two." This is me teasing her about it.)
Me: "Italian-American women under five-two?" If America has gotten that subdivided that we need a spokesperson for that group...
Non-Conformist Turtle: It's like, 'You know America is screwed when..."
Me: Haha, yeah. The turtle-loving, GSA-leading spokeswoman.
NCT: Yeah.
Me: Hmm..."Italian-American women under five-two"...you know, I thought Snooki had that covered.
NCT (laughing): You're lucky I can recognize satire, or I'd probably smack you.
Me: Thank God your sarcasm muscle is in perfect shape.
~In my dorm~
Mimi Marquez: Yeah girl, you've got ass like Christmas.
(back in my room)
Me: So...apparently I've got ass like Christmas and...oh, hell, what else did she say...boobs like, I don't know, 4th of July, I think?
Bella Swan (my roommate): What? The context doesn't even make sense!
~In the cafeteria~
Fellow Theater Geek: My name literally means "bay." Like, large body of water.
Me: Ok...I have to go back to my room now. Bye guys.
Gay Penguin (FTG's girlfriend): No! You can't go! *proceeds to pout*
FTG (attempting to comfort her): Come on...it's okay...jump into my water...dive into my wetness...
Penguin: If you're on your period, does it mean your bay is full of krill?
FTG: No, it just means I'm the Red Sea.
~Over Skype~
Me: Damn it, I wish you were coming to Michigan again...I could kidnap you and take you to Torch Lake.
Goddamn Gypsy: Fuck, I'd give just about anything.
Me: Of course, one of these days, I have to take you to Oxford in the fall so we can play hide-and-seek with the mooning scarecrows.
Gypsy: Oh God, yes.
Me: Damn it, woman. I miss you.
Gypsy: Ach, it'll be fine. I'm working on several plans to get back to the States.
Me: Ooh, does one of them involve letting me kidnap you?
Gypsy: Yes.
Me: and then we can run off to California and stalk Erica!!!!
Gypsy: PRECISELY.
Me: Oh, God...can you imagine if you and I showed up at Yale, with our long, flowing dresses and red lipstick and cloches, and your Plath tattoos, and my Tolkien tattoos (if I ever get them), and we storm into Trumbull--
Gypsy: Haha, YES.
Me: --and we casually say, "Hello, we're looking for one Isaac Reilly." And you casually take a puff on your cigarette, looking all Hepburn-esque, and then when Isaac shows up we grab him, march him across campus, and throw him into my foreign-made truck, and drive off with something very un-Ivy-League like blasting out of the speakers...can you imagine the looks on their pretentious, grade-grubbing, hazing faces?
Gypsy: HAHAHA, it'll be perfect!
And last but not least, the Saxophone Murder Incident:
I was trying to study for an important test one night, but there was a party going on down the hallway, and it was irritating the hell out of me. So I logged on to Facebook and had a chat with my lovely, Yale-attending mega-intelligent friend, who just so happens to play the saxophone like a boss. At one point, I got fed up and asked him if he knew how to kill someone with a saxophone before I left for the library. When I came back, THIS was waiting in my Facebook message inbox:
1. Tried and true: bludgeoning.
2. If your arm is steady, impale them on the mouthpiece end.
3. Induce stroke with intense sound. (might require victim to have predisposition to stroke)
4. Hold sax out on side of busy road and shout “Free sax for the first person across!” (might require victim to be stupid)
5. Use rock to split sax into metal pieces, file sharp on sidewalk. You can imagine the rest.
6. Play music they hate while dancing around naked or in funny costume. Wait for them to attack. Call police. (only applicable in states with the death penalty)
7. Teach them to play the sax. They’ll fall in love with it and become starving musicians. Death soon follows.
...Yes, this man is one of my closest friends. Any questions?
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